They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
