So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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