I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
