just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
