And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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