Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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