Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
