Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
