and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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