I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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