I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
