i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How does one acquire holy water?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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