If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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