My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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