According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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