so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
