u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
