mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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