I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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