also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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