Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
