Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at about main and main street
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
