He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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