Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
