I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
