didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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