'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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