If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
