she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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