That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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