Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
