We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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