He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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