my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
