The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
