Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
