he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
