So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
