She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
