She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
