the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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