i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
