Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
