girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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