every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
