I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
