Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
