So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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