I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
