I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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