When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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