Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
