Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she looked like the before picture.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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