The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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