someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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