This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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