apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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