I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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