you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
