I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
