Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize