I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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