I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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