all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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