i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think my fart just growled at me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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