An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
