So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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