dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
