I accidentally had phone sex last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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